Unpacking the Sack You’re Dragging Around
Exploring the Hidden Parts of Yourself
Robert Bly, poet, essayist, activist, and mythopoetic thinker, wrote an 81-page book called A Little Book on the Human Shadow. While it’s quickly read, it contains an analogy that, for some, will hang on for a long time after they put the book down.
The book is based on the Jungian idea that we all have repressed parts of ourselves, known as the shadow. In Bly’s analogy, we place aspects of ourselves that we find uncomfortable, unpleasant, or fearful into a metaphorical bag. Wanting to fit in and be accepted, we hide these parts of ourselves. While Jung described shadow work as an inner psychological process leading to wholeness, Bly explores the same concept, but leaning more toward an external perspective, focusing on the role of culture and how individuals respond to their environment. For Bly, we drag the bag that contains our shadows around for the rest of our lives.
At first, when we drag the bag as children, it’s fairly light. We only know so much about ourselves or what parts of us our society deems acceptable as babies and toddlers. In our early days on Earth, there was very little to repress and reject. We’re still fresh and spontaneous. But as time goes on and we get older, our guides continue to tell us what is wrong with us, and the bag gets fuller and heavier as we hide those things so that we no longer see them. According to Bly, we start as “360-degree personalities” who fully express ourselves. But then we’re encouraged to conform and, in response, we start lopping off those personal expressions of selfhood and stuffing them into our shadow bags, gradually and over time.
Those external influencers are usually parents, educators, Sunday school teachers, culture, and so on. Often, these well-meaning individuals and groups try to mold the wild child in all of us into someone who fits neatly into civil society. Conforming has something to do with belonging and survival, so they’re not entirely wrong in their intentions, but their methods and insights sometimes suck. No blame here. Just reality.
These caretakers and educators often want what’s best for us, and may even naively believe that truncating parts of our personality is the best way to get us to that place. Every time a little Boomer boy heard, “Boys don’t cry,” the part of him that felt sadness got shoved into the sack. With that piece gone, he might not get bullied by the other boys on the playground as much, but that’s a high price to pay for not being picked on.
The word “shadow” makes some people stumble. YouTube videos sometimes talk about shadow as though shadow work involves creating a catalog of things that are bad about us. That oversimplification makes it about character rather than repression. Some people fear such work because shadowy things are often considered evil. But the shadow is more about repression than it is about morality or depravity. Acknowledging something is there is not the same as indulging it. Sometimes responding to a shadow is accompanied by the need to make a moral decision.
Besides, things that might generally be considered good are also stuffed into the bag. Some refer to these as “the golden shadow.” For example, as a child, future award-winning comedy writer, Johnny, is told time and again, “stop being silly” by his more serious parents. So, he tosses his quirky sense of humor into his bag and becomes a tax accountant instead. But later in life, Johnny starts working with a good therapist and discovers this “stop being silly” shadow, accepts it, integrates it, and decides to join an amateur comedy improv class. Or something like that. Bly would likely be happy that Johnny recaptured that lost part of himself and decided to take a step closer to being his authentic self.
All that is to say that the shadow is not always about evil: there is much gold in all of us that has been repressed and suppressed, and it can always be discovered and mined.
As we "mature," the bag fills and grows heavier. We may spend a lifetime pretending those shadowy parts of ourselves have disappeared—trying to fool others, and in the process, fooling ourselves. Even if we don’t consciously recognize the weight we're carrying, we still feel its effects. Our shadows surface through projections, irrational judgments, and self-sabotage, exposing the parts of ourselves we've unconsciously buried.
One of Johnny’s complaints when he went to the therapist was that everything in his life felt dry and joyless. When he saw people playfully enjoying themselves, he judged that they were far too frivolous and were throwing their lives away. When his children played loudly, it got on his last nerve. A rational part of Johnny understood that children play, and sometimes they get loud. But he often felt impatient when they did.
The therapist helped Johnny see that his strong and rigid reaction to levity was all about the forbidden silly aspect of himself that his parent encouraged him to put in his bag. Johnny chose to integrate that aspect of himself in a healthy, proactive way by joining the improv class. But often, just understanding where our reactions come from is enough. Simply being aware of their origins can help loosen the unconscious grip of repressed things. This allows us to act more intentionally and sometimes even more charitably toward ourselves and others.
What we criticize about others is often something we repress in ourselves. An accusation is often a confession. This is called projection, and is one of the primary ways we discover what we’ve been dragging around our whole lives. What pisses you off in others is often more about you than it is them. In many ways, others serve as mirrors.
Keep in mind that excessively idolizing others or feeling deep envy can also be clues to what’s in our bag. So, it’s not always critical thoughts. Projecting can also include over-the-top admiration. Since that may feel more pleasant than being angry, it might not get the attention anger does, and so we might not look for the golden shadow that such a reaction to another person might reveal.
Here are some ways to start checking out what’s in your bags.
Pay attention to what sets you off: What are some emotional triggers that you see over and over again? If someone’s behavior deeply bothers you, ask yourself: Is this something I repress in myself? Likewise, if you idolize someone, consider whether you’ve disowned similar qualities in yourself.
Journal: Write down moments when you feel irritated or overly impressed by others. Look for patterns. This can reveal aspects of your shadow that need integration.
Turn judgments into questions: Instead of making critical statements, ask yourself: What specifically bothers me about this person? Have I ever acted this way or wanted to? Is this a trait I was discouraged from expressing? And so on.
Own Your Projections: Once you recognize a projection, own it. If you resent someone’s confidence, ask yourself whether you’ve suppressed your own assertiveness. If you judge someone’s playfulness, consider whether you’ve neglected joy in your life.
Consider childhood messages: Think back to phrases you heard growing up—things like “Boys don’t cry” or “You’re too sensitive.” These messages often shape what gets stuffed into the bag. Identifying them can help you understand what parts of yourself you’ve been suppressing.
Get creative: Often, we more readily reintroduce ourselves to these shadows through creative activities. Write, draw, paint, sing, compose, move, or find any creative means you enjoy to explore these hidden aspects of yourself.
Get Some Help: Coaches, clergy, counselors, and therapists are, as always, helpful around some of the work that involves our shadows. An objective and skilled guide is invaluable.
The weight of the shadow bag is something we all carry, whether we acknowledge it or not. By recognizing what has been repressed—both the difficult and the golden—we open the door to greater self-awareness and authenticity. Shadow work isn’t about dwelling on the past but about reclaiming lost parts of ourselves so we can move forward with more freedom and intention. The more we explore what’s in the bag, the lighter the journey becomes.
Comment or Journal Prompts
What have you noticed about yourself that might be hiding in your shadow bag?
Think of someone who frustrates or irritates you. What traits do they have that might reflect something repressed in yourself?
What strengths, talents, or passions have you ignored or downplayed due to outside influence? How might you start reclaiming them?
What messages about "acceptable" behavior did you internalize as a child? Do you see them influencing your life today?
If you were to express a lost part of yourself creatively—through writing, movement, art, or music—what would it look like?