Nice Men Don’t Get Angry, But Good Men Do (Part Two)

What anger is and what anger isn’t

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

For a foundation for this part, follow this link to read Nice Men Don’t Get Angry

, But Good Men Do (Part One)

What Anger Is

Anger is a complex emotion that can impact us in many different ways. It can potentially play positive and negative roles in our lives. By exploring its characteristics, we can better navigate our emotional experiences and harness anger's energy for constructive purposes.

In this section, we'll dive into the various aspects of anger, shed light on its complexities, and offer some general principles that can inform us of ways to manage it effectively.

While the following perspective is about anger over your hurt, you can also experience anger over the pain of someone else or something other than yourself that you care about. Feel free to read that in as you go along.

There are so many analogies that one can create around anger. Anger comes from a primitive part of us. But that doesn’t mean that our anger doesn’t also involve some wisdom and intuition.

Anger is a growl. Anger can be compared to a growl that warns off those who violate our boundaries and our sense of worth. The growl is a protective mechanism that says, “You have assaulted or insulted my sovereignty and well-being, and I do not want you to assault it anymore.” Or in simpler terms, “Back off.”

Anger is a howl. Anger can also be compared to a howl, by which we cathartically release any rage born of pain. It not only allows us to vent our frustration and agonies but also sends a message to others about the depth of our hurt. We are relieved of tension, and we have told others what is going on with us.

Just as a howl reverberates through the wilderness, our anger resonates, demanding acknowledgment and understanding from those around us. It’s a way of soliciting support from those who are strong and caring enough to stand with us in our anguish. But such support rarely comes from those who are faint of heart.

Anger is fuel. We use it to light fires in our bellies. It is a call to action. It is motivation. It tells us that something is wrong, and if we pay attention to it and take it seriously, we begin to look for ways to make things right. Responding to anger’s call to action sometimes requires a great deal of courage.

Anger is an emotion that often coexists with and supports other feelings such as hurt, fear, sadness, frustration, jealousy, stress, disappointment, and shame. It disrupts our nervous systems so strongly that it sometimes drowns out these other emotions. It can take time to uncover what else is happening alongside or beneath the anger. Additionally, anger can serve as a signpost pointing to hidden places in our emotional landscapes that need attention.

"Anger is the prelude to courage." - Eric Hoffer

Anger is manageable. If you frequently lose your temper at work, HR may send you to an anger management workshop. Courts sometimes mandate such courses too. Like any emotion, anger requires a balance between honoring and respecting your feelings while understanding that, at some point, they need to be regulated. Maturity is about mastering the balance between honoring and regulating emotions. Achieving this balance leads to self-awareness and psychological growth.

Unmanaged anger can be a social liability. Who wants to hang around someone who is always angry? It can also lead to excessive stress, which has various health repercussions. Learning to manage anger is essential for a healthy and fulfilling life. However, this doesn't mean making it go away. Anger is necessary; it just needs to be used constructively for your benefit and the good of others, without letting it take over your life.

Anger is a multifaceted emotion that impacts us in many ways. By exploring anger's characteristics and understanding its underlying mechanisms, we can harness its energy for constructive purposes. Whether seen as a growl, a howl, or a call to action, anger plays an important role in our emotional landscape. By managing it effectively, we ensure it supports our growth and well-being, rather than becoming a social liability. Striking a balance between honoring our feelings and regulating them is key to achieving emotional maturity.

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What Anger Isn’t

We often hear a lot about what anger is, but it's just as important to understand what anger isn't. Misconceptions about anger can lead to misunderstandings and unhealthy coping habits. By clearing up these myths, we can better appreciate and engage with our anger as a healthy part of our emotional landscape.

Anger isn’t hate. We covered this in part one of this post.